By Barry Jacobs
A clinical psychologist and co-author of AARP Meditations for Caregivers who specializes in helping family caregivers. This article originally appeared on The Huffington Post.
On April 26, 2017, while lying motionless in her nursing home bed with closed eyelids and a gaping mouth, my 86-year-old mother took two last short breaths before peacefully going still. Her death from complications of dementia and kidney failure brought to a close a nearly 7-year, sometimes rancorous period of family caregiving after my wife and I moved her up from Florida to live near us. We then gradually took over every aspect of her life.
That wasn’t our intention, of course. We tried to preserve her independence for as long as we could. But as she became confused about her pills, fell more often, and wandered at times, we responded by commandeering her pill box, making her use a walker, and hiring legions of home health aides. With nearly every change, she fought us. That made a sad, deteriorating situation more difficult. Living in a nursing home during her last year-and-a-half gave her the supports she needed and allowed us to finally stop battling with her.
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