Retirement Roommates: Were ‘The Golden Girls’ Right?

Learning boundaries — and understanding what a roommate is and isn’t — is important

By Lori Martinek

(This essay was originally published in SixtyandMe.)

Many of us share common fears as we enter retirement. We fear financial challenges, failing health and feelings of disconnectedness as we grow older. The good news is that there is one strategy which can help us effectively face all three — living with roommates.

Shared housing is an age-old concept that is becoming the latest housing trend. More than a third of boomers are single and most of those flying solo are female. Living alone is expensive and simply beyond the reach of many single retirees.

Living alone can also prove to be isolating and lonely. Neighbors don’t necessarily become support systems. Housemates often do. We all have fond memories of watching Blanche, Dorothy, Rose and Sophia bond (for better or worse) on The Golden Girls TV series in the late 1980s.

Embracing the idea of retirement with roommates opens the door to affordable shared housing options. You’ve done it before (which is why you may be cringing as you think about being in a roommate situation again). Likely, you gained something from that experience. Retiring with roommates makes sense on many levels.

The Benefits of Living with Roommates in Retirement

First and foremost, it is cheaper to live with other people. You share housing costs, utilities and often food. If you own a large home, you can offset the cost of maintaining it by taking on roommates. You get to age in place and your roommates gain a more affordable way to live.

There’s something to be said for having friendly faces around instead of empty rooms.

There will be other people to share chores and responsibilities and to provide a helping hand when needed.

It is more likely that someone will be around to help if you take a fall, to notice if you don’t come home or to call 911 when necessary. This can provide real peace of mind.

There is a sense of security that comes with having roommates — and not just when you hear a noise in the middle of the night. You gain companionship and people to potentially share holidays and special occasions with. Your circle will grow, as you meet the friends and family that roommates bring to the equation. Only you can decide if that is desirable or not.

A sense of community is good for your mind, body and spirit. We need people around us to offer advice or support, provide social interaction, get us out of the house and push us to try new things. Living with other people is one way to create such a valuable support circle.

The Challenges of Living with Others

There are, of course, challenges to living with other people. Collaboration and cooperation are key to a successful house sharing arrangement. People who live together need to maintain healthy boundaries and respect privacy.

Roommates are not surrogate spouses or friends. They are not caregivers, chauffeurs or home health providers. They are your partners in a living arrangement. Perspective is key.

An ability to respect other opinions, religions, world views and lifestyles is essential. Most of us have lived with a roommate at some point in our lives (at camp, college or in the military) and we know how challenging it can be. We’ve also learned from those experiences, and potentially have more to offer (and gain) in a shared housing arrangement as adults.

Making Shared Housing Work

A written (and signed) rental agreement is essential to outline house rules, shared responsibilities for rent, related bills and household chores and to help maintain harmony between housemates. Private and shared spaces in the home should be clearly outlined. Policies regarding visitors, overnight guests and quiet time are important.

Potential roommates should provide references and undergo a background check at minimum, and be introduced to their potential housemates if possible. People who interact well with each other in a social setting are more likely to get along as house partners.

As with many things in life, it’s the ingredients which lead to a successful outcome. The ideal roommates should share some similarities and interests, but also bring unique strengths to the table. Maintaining a home requires many different talents, including cooking, gardening, handyman skills, painting, pet sitting, bookkeeping or working with contractors.

Being able to make a unique contribution to the household will help each housemate feel needed and appreciated, and learning from each other can be a great bonding experience.

 

Traxx Mobility Systems Titan 500 is a freestanding overhead patient lift for home care.  It allows a single caregiver to safely transfer a patient without injury.  Visit our website, find us on Facebook and watch our YouTube channel.

 

Study: Elderly’s Family Caregivers Need Help, Too

By Rachel Bluth

(Original published by Kaiser Health News, a national health policy news service that is part of the nonpartisan Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation.)

Elderly Americans’ well-being is at risk unless the U.S. does much more to help millions of family caregivers who sacrifice their own health, finances and personal lives to look out for loved ones, reported a study released Tuesday.

Nearly 18 million people care for a relative who is 65 or older and needs help, yet “the need to recognize and support caregivers is among the most significant challenges” facing the nation’s swelling elderly population, their families and society, according to the report from the National Academies of Science, Engineering, and Medicine. Describing family caregiving as “a critical issue of public policy,” a committee of experts in health care and aging said the next presidential administration in 2017 should direct a national strategy to develop ways to support caregivers, including economically.

According to the report, people who help elderly family members with three or more personal tasks a day devote 253 hours a month to caregiving — almost the equivalent of two full-time jobs.

Five years is the median duration that family members care for older adults with high needs, the report said.

For some Americans who accept that responsibility, that can mean taking a less demanding job, foregoing promotions or dropping out of the workforce.

Lost wages and benefits average $303,880 over the lifetimes of people 50 and older who stop working to care for a parent, according to a study cited in the report. That’s not all: A lower earnings history also means reduced Social Security payments for caregivers when they become eligible.

A possible fix for that problem, proposed by researchers in 2009, is to provide caregivers with a Social Security credit for a defined level of deemed wages during a specified time period, the report said.

Leave programs do exist for some workers shouldering caregiving duties, but many lack such job protections.

The federal Family and Medical Leave Act doesn’t cover 40 percent of the workforce. It allows eligible employees to take 12 weeks of unpaid time off to care for certain family members, but the law only applies to those who work federal, state and local governments and private companies with more than 50 employees. But ineligible family relationships for leave include sons- and daughters-in-law, stepchildren, grandchildren, siblings, nieces and nephews. Many workers can’t afford to give up their incomes for 12 weeks.

In 2011, 17 percent of caregivers didn’t take leave because they feared losing their jobs, according to a national survey cited in the report.

The report recommends that family caregivers receive status as a protected class under existing job discrimination laws and that employers get guidance and training on ways to support workers caring for family members.

Beyond the economic costs of caregiving, the report notes that the social and physical toll of caregiving should get more attention than it does.

“If their needs are not recognized and addressed, family caregivers risk burnout from the prolonged distress and physical demands of caregiving, and the nation will bear the costs,” the report said.

Instead of delivering “patient-centered” care, health care providers should adopt “family-centered” models that include checking with caregivers to ensure they are healthy and capable of filling the role. The report also recommended wellness visits, counseling sessions and better training for caregivers who must understand increasingly complicated medical instructions.

Dealing with feeding and drainage tubes, catheters and other complicated medical devices causes stress, and the study’s authors noted that caregivers report “learning by trial and error and fearing that they will make a life-threatening mistake.”

The study was funded by 13 private foundations, the Department of Veterans Affairs, and an anonymous donor that requested the National Academies undertake the research in 2014.

KHN’s coverage of late life and geriatric care is supported by The John A. Hartford Foundation. KHN’s coverage of aging and long-term care issues is supported by The SCAN Foundation.

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The responsibility of caregiving for a family member can be overwhelming. The mental and physical stress of caregiving in addition to the everyday stress of holding a job and raising your own family can be too much for some. Healthcare providers can work with families to prepare them for these challenges as well as offer resources to help alleviate some of those issues.

Traxx Mobility Systems manufactures the Titan 500, a freestanding overhead patient lift system for home health care. It allows a single caregiver, often a family member or part-time aide, transfer a patient from the bed to wheelchair and back again without the stress and strain of traditional floor-based lifts.

Titan 500 Freestanding Overhead Patient Lift

For more information on our freestanding overhead lift with rechargeable electric motor, visit our website, watch our YouTube channel and find us on Facebook.